Following an amazing brief stop in Belgium, to serve with Highlands Belgium at the Castle in Thieusies, my 2017 team of colleagues with Abante International headed to the Czech Republic, while I took a flight to Hamburg, Germany. It was hard to make the decision of separating from the team (and Brian, my husband) because I love working with my team, and our wonderful friends and contacts in the Czech. However, since I have recently had another hospital stay, we decided I needed to lay low before we head out to Ireland for two weeks of intense ministry. Simply so I can build up enough energy and stamina.
My heart grieves these changes and detours from what has been our life for the past six years (Since we started this amazing journey with our organization). Sometimes, the inability to run, or keep up at the same pace with the others is hard to bear, however, I trust God almighty that he knows what he is doing. The past few days in Kiel have been good days of relaxation. I am fighting just a common cold, however, the heart situation seems to be ok for now. My good friend (and little brother – I have adopted him) Denis Zythke and his lovely wife Hannah Victoria Zythke have been so kind to host me and allow me to quietly rest and relax at their flat.
I didn’t notify my local Kiel friends because we will return from Ireland and spend some time with everyone then. But for now, it was necessary I rest with as little interaction as possible. I did go for a couple of walks around the lake here, and close to the sea. It is beautiful, and it has done my soul much good. It is quiet, and my good friends have listened to my vulnerable heart, and have been nothing but loving and understanding of where I am in my current situation.
This has to be one of the hardest journeys I have ever faced in my life, besides losing my hero, my dear father. I’m so glad God still speaks in the silence, he still hears the foolish things we say out of fear or perhaps even anger. What a good and merciful father he is. Although I have not asked why this is happening (what’s the point of that?), I have questioned where we are heading with this. I have quietly wondered how much longer? how far? Is there more to endure? and the inevitable; Do you still see/hear me? Thing is, there are no easy answers.
Today, I walked with my friend Denis around the lake close to his home. It was a great walk. the air was cold and crisp, with a bright sun shinning down on us. The marsh around the lake, although frozen, had patches of water where ducks and swans played as if it were Spring time. Birds have returned from the south of Germany, and they can be seen and heard all over. It is beautifully enchanting! The atmosphere is so full of smells, light and life. As we walked, we could see the sea in the distance, so we decided to continue the walk because the blue waters were calling my name.
The area around us looked like farmland, and so it was not surprising to see a horse freely wandering around his surroundings, several cows, and watch dogs welcoming us as we walked by. Soon we realized we had walked into someone’s private property. One of the workers at the farm (probably the owner) told us it was private but we were welcome to look around and walk to where the blue waters were inviting us. We were surprised that as we took casual photos while making our way to the blue waters, we were able to witness the birth of a calf right before our eyes. It was quite impressionable! The farmer told us they remove the calf, so they can milk the mother, help with the placenta, and then return her to its baby.
As she walked out of the stable, I was amazed to see how disciplined she was to go directly where she needed to be. As soon as she left, the other cows followed with their eyes, and their body language showed their concern and unity. I was surprised when I heard them mooing nervously, as if they were worried for their friend. It’s funny, but that scene played before my eyes, and I could not shake it off as we walked back home. I understood God, in a very subtle way was sending me a message. “Beba, I am taking you through a process. You are birthing something, and although you may feel separated from everyone, you are still part of a unit. You are loved, and soon you will be able to continue sharing in all that once filled your moments.” That’s what I felt God showed me through this unplanned, and casual walk through a farm.
I share this thoughts because I know I am not the only person who suffers and may feel alienated in the process. Sometimes we need to be reminded, that we belong to a large and loving family, and that our father is leading us to a good place, and in time he will bring us back around.