“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” ― Corrie ten Boom
I went to church on Sunday and during the service I was thinking that perhaps that would be my last visit before leaving the island. I began to remember many visits with the Abante team, and I even thought a lot about my dad. And then I thought about how I came to the island almost five months ago with a full schedule of events and projects to do with the Abante team. A lot of those plans did take place. A lot was accomplished, but halfway through the process, my life took a detour, and now a month and a half after the team has left, I realize that much has changed for me.
Sunday, during worship service I wanted to sing out, but since the bypass surgery, I struggle with fatigue, and this even affects me vocally. I just can’t sing like I used to (I’ve been told that this is temporary). I also wanted to lift my hands, but that is also a struggle for now. There are many other things that I simply have had to give up, and then there are other things that are just frustrating because I need to wait a while to be able to do again; like driving, or laying on my side/stomach to sleep. You know, those silly things that make life comfortable and somewhat easy…
Regardless of all the changes, I am constantly reminded that I belong to a loving God. No matter how I feel today, or how my body heals, or whatever else might be going on, I belong! I’m not going through this alone, and I have not been forgotten. God has been with me every step of the way and he continues to be the strength I need.
In the back of my mind, I could still hear the worship team singing ‘Tuyo soy! Tuyo soy!” (I am yours!, I am yours!). I could not sing it, but I said the words over and over again. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that when I feel discouraged, or when I get impatient. I’m not a super woman! I do have my moments of sadness and desperation. However, I am constantly encouraging myself through silent meditation. I find so much peace in just being. When you have an open agenda, and challenging days staring you down, you just learn to be quiet and listen.
On days like today, when I feel anxious about the uncertainties of my new normal, I simply listen. And my heavenly father speaks peace to my soul. Just how much this “detour” has affected the course of my future, is truly uncertain to me. I am taking it one day at a time. The truth is that we make plans, but there are always unknown surprises waiting for us along the way, and we don’t have much choice but to be brave. I have found a safe place, cuddled in the palm of his hand. As he moves, so I go, listening to songs I cannot sing, but still whispering “I am yours! I am yours!”