The Strange New Normal

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” ― Corrie ten Boom

I went to church on Sunday and during the service I was thinking that perhaps that would be my last visit before leaving the island. I began to remember many visits with the Abante team, and I even thought a lot about my dad. And then I thought about how I came to the island almost five months ago with a full schedule of events and projects to do with the Abante team. A lot of those plans did take place. A lot was accomplished, but halfway through the process, my life took a detour, and now a month and a half after the team has left, I realize that much has changed for me.

Sunday, during worship service I wanted to sing out, but since the bypass surgery, I struggle with fatigue, and this even affects me vocally. I just can’t sing like I used to (I’ve been told that this is temporary). I also wanted to lift my hands, but that is also a struggle for now. There are many other things that I simply have had to give up, and then there are other things that are just frustrating because I need to wait a while to be able to do again; like driving, or laying on my side/stomach to sleep. You know, those silly things that make life comfortable and somewhat easy…

Regardless of all the changes, I am constantly reminded that I belong to a loving God.  No matter how I feel today, or how my body heals, or whatever else might be going on, I belong! I’m not going through this alone, and I have not been forgotten. God has been with me every step of the way and he continues to be the strength I need.

In the back of my mind, I could still hear the worship team singing ‘Tuyo soy! Tuyo soy!” (I am yours!, I am yours!). I could not sing it, but I said the words over and over again. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that when I feel discouraged, or when I get impatient. I’m not a super woman!  I do have my moments of sadness and desperation. However, I am constantly encouraging myself through silent meditation. I find so much peace in just being. When you have an open agenda, and challenging days staring you down, you just learn to be quiet and listen.

On days like today, when I feel anxious about the uncertainties of my new normal, I simply listen. And my heavenly father speaks peace to my soul. Just how much this “detour” has affected the course of my future, is truly uncertain to me.  I am taking it one day at a time. The truth is that we make plans, but there are always unknown surprises waiting for us along the way, and we don’t have much choice but to be brave. I have found a safe place, cuddled in the palm of his hand. As he moves, so I go, listening to songs I cannot sing, but still whispering “I am yours! I am yours!”

 

d0d4314e3741e013170adfcd89226347Thank you all for your prayers. There’s not a day that goes by without me realizing I am a miracle.

Comments 6

  1. What a blessing your words are to those who need hope and trust during new normals. Prayers for you as you continue your journey. Love you much and thankful God allowed us to meet and know you and Brian.

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      Sharon, Thank you for encouraging me, and for keeping up with my updates. I love you and Carl and always think of you fondly.

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  2. Beba, your words are such an inspiration to my life and my walk with our Eternal God. I heard this “If you want to see Gods laugh, tell Him your plans”. Isn’t this statement make perfect sense to you now? It make me thinks of the people who make long term plans, however God is not even involve in them.

    I love you my sister – I think this experience God has thought you many things and there are more to come. I know you had thought about Papi a lot, and you answered one of the questions that I had all alone – why Papi was so quiet, because while laying in, he could not do the things that he loves so much, so he meditated in them; I am sure, just like you, he used to sing in his mind songs of victory.

    Tu eres una gran inspiracion para mi vida personal igual que para mi vida espiritual – You are a great inspiration to my personal life as for my spiritual life as well.

    Te amo mucho- Tu hermana Vivi

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      Vivi, You are always encouraging me. Thank you so much! Funny how the older we get, the closer we get.

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